I am a sophomore in college.
That's something I've always wanted to say. It's something I've always wanted to be. And here I am, being and saying that I am a sophomore in college. And not only am I a sophomore in college, I am a film student. I am a mother fucking film student.
The ways in which I get into things, or discover things, or become things are always strange. They are strange, and random, and usually make no sense at all. My introduction to feminism, to the LGBTQIAA+ community, my becoming a Buddhist, my becoming an Atheist, my becoming a Nerdfighter. None of those introductions were done in a very typical way. Not really. And why should me becoming a film student be any different?
When we were kids everyone had extravagant dreams of what they wanted to be when they grew up. The typical ones were boring and all I wanted to be when I grew up was a character from Harry Potter. That's it. It was the first book series that I was unbelievably into and that I allowed myself to believe was pure and perfect imagination. And I wanted to be in that world.
As I grew up I realized that I couldn't actually be in that world. It was a horribly sad impossibility. I could however create worlds as fascinating and beautiful. That was as close to being in that world as I could possibly get. I continued up until high school with dreams of being a fantastically amazing author. Of creating world after world, story after story, amazing character after amazing character. Until one day, out of nothing in particular, I realized how great a writer I was not. Research papers, sure. I am a fantastic research paper writer. It's why I was so fantastic at Original Oratory in high school. Creating a story that held all the wonder elements that I loved in stories was significantly harder. All I wanted to do was tell stories, but I was hindered by being close minded to actually learning how to create and add the elements of literature.
So instead of trying to hone my skills as a writer and get better, I gave up almost completely. Other than writing a 50,000 word novel during NaNoWriMo 2009, which I have yet to edit or even really think about since I finished in November, I have started a grand total of two stories. Neither of those fleshed themselves or have been completed properly. They may never be completed. I've learned to be okay with that.
I decided to do quite the opposite of writing. I wanted to code. Computer Science was my major when I went to orientation at Western Carolina University for the first time. I quickly became undecided when I remembered that math was not actually something I was good enough at to justify a major with so much of it.
Over the summer, after I was undecided, I saw a movie with my best friend, Jordan. It's a movie everyone has heard of. A movie that everyone has seen. It's the movie that made me remember why I wanted to be a storyteller. It made me feel all the things that I wanted to make people feel because of a story. It is not the greatest movie ever. It isn't even in my top ten. It is a fantastic movie and it was just the kick I needed to remind me that, "OH YEAH. STORYTELLING DOES AMAZING THINGS."
And that's the story about how a summer blockbuster that deserved to win more than just technical Oscars saved my life. That's the story about how Inception both blew my mind and reminded me that storytelling is in my blood.
I am a mother fucking film student because of Christopher Nolan. Someday he's going to know that. Just you wait and see.
-Wednesday
